I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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