So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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