if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
