I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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