never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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