He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
