This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
