his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
