so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
