I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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