If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
