how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
