Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
