I'm jealous of your bromance
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
