just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All the doctor said was why
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
