So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
