mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
