Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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