My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
