Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
