I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
