oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize