Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
