the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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