Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
