I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
