I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
