Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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