playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
