Already got asked if we're dating
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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