A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
