did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
