Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
