I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
