Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
