So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
