I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
