I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
