My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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