her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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