You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
