Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
