i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
