bring money and cleavage
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
