I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
