i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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