So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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