I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
