I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drake has all the answers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
