I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I look better un-naked...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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