i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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