i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
