Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
