if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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