oh god the rape fog is back!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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