We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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