she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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