question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
