take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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