I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
