not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
