I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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