my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
