What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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