you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize